All alone in the wilderness #8

To all those who knows about my extremely unplanned and semi impulsive decision to extend my stay in Korea for an extra 3 weeks and to myself; this has been a hard decision and one might think that I haven’t really thought this through thoroughly (myself included, cause I’ve been asking myself repeatedly if this is truly a worthwhile decision as it will not only strained my relationship with my mother but also crumble whatever trust we have between us).

And my final verdict is, I’m staying regardless of the challenges ahead. Yes, it will be rough, it will be painful and it will be filled with obstacles (both financially and emotionally). However, since I’ve chosen to travel down this path, I will bear full responsibility of my actions and persevere through the hardships awaiting for me. I may cry, I may stumble a little and I may even have to lower down my pride to ask for help but I will not falter from it. Yes, it is naive and stupid to want to stay because of some blinded infatuation, great friends and me not wanting to leave the city before fully discovering it. I probably wouldn’t agree with myself few years ago or maybe I would but I’ve been through moments where I’ve regretted not doing what my heart tells me because of how irrational it was. I rather look back 10 years from now to reminisce the struggles I had to go through than looking back at regretting not being selfish and following my heart. I’ve also gone through moments where I think tomorrow will always come and having that tomorrow taken away from me. I used to think there’s always a next time but I’ve lost two important people in my life to teach me that next time may never come and next time is not given unconditionally.

Some people only have today to live for and a tomorrow to dream for. Today I’m blessed with the thought that I have both but who can be sure that a tomorrow will always be waiting for me?

I want to have live while I’m alive even if the path ahead of me is bleak and unclear. Even if I’ve disappointed people in my decision, I would have gained something along the way for myself. And it’s something that will be with me for a lifetime.

1) Happiness and a stronger character by having survived in a foreign country where I do not speak the language and having no family support.

2)  A lifelong experience to teach me sometimes the decisions we make may not lead us to the path we hoped for and when that happens; we will need to lift ourselves from the bottom when no one would.

Reminder to myself: To have struggled and lived makes your life that much more valuable and I believe that I will pull through this and come out a changed person. Never give up even when in doubt because no one knows what is at the end of the other side of the tunnel. Good or bad, face it courageously!

On the other hand, I HOPE I DON’T DIE IN KOREA. *cues Gloria Gaynor’s I will Survive!’

– the end –

 

 

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